She moved in a week early and once the last of her bags were dumped off at my apartment by the friend who was happy to get rid of her, she insisted on repainting the bedroom and began moving my personal things around the apartment as it suited her. I moved my things back. There are three shelves, three roommates, everyone get’s a shelf.
By the end of her second week she let it all hang out. Around midnight one evening as I attempted to doze off she stomped throughout the apartment slamming things about. The shelving and space I had alloted for her wasn’t enough. She deserved more space and stated that if there wasn’t enough space for all her things then I needed to put my things in storage. She was entitled to half of the apartment (i.e. half the coffee table, half the kitchen table, half of all counter space, etc…) and yes, she answered an ad for a furnished short-term sublet.
It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to realize things weren’t going to get better. I asked her to vacate within 30 days and that’s when the shit hit the fan. She flew into a rage of yelling, swearing, calling me names, throwing things at me and dared me to try and evict her, the lawyer. I couldn’t have her removed from the premises that night (I tried) unless I could show the police physical harm (a cut, bruise, scratch). So, later that Friday morning I made some calls. Six hours later I was walking out of New York Housing Court with the proper papers to serve “Crazy” her eviction notice.
The Good, the Bad and the Ugly of it All
1) Because I had a signed agreement with her I couldn’t change the locks and lock her out. She had a right to be in the apartment. (Damn!)
2) BUT because she had occupied the apartment less than 30 days (the signed agreement proved that) I could evict her without cause and the process to get her out would move faster.
3) She hadn’t received mail so she had no way to prove she lived at my address other than the signed agreement.
4) That Saturday I had a friend (third party) serve her the eviction notice. She had 28 days to vacate the premises. (Gangsta.)
5) She began throwing my personal things around the apartment again, (onto the floor and toilet) while making threatenings remarks to me.
6) SO, I called the police on her, again. (Whatchou talkin’ bout Willis?!)
7) While waiting for the police I got my “crazy girl” acting skills on. I began chanting a Buddhist mantra out loud on the couch beside her nonstop for 30 minutes. She refused to be anywhere near me once I started chanting, whining into her mobile phone that I was too crazy to live with. (What’s Love Got Do With it??)
8) Once the police arrived I was cooperative, respectful and gave my side of the story. She argued, talked over and became belligerent with the police stressing that she was a lawyer and insisted her interpretation of the law was correct. She pissed the officers off in a way I’ve only seen on television. (Better than an episode of Law & Order.)
9) Once the officers had had enough of her they left. My friend approached her 10 minutes later, they exchanged a few words and she agreed to move out that night if I refunded her rent. I didn’t agree she was owed the full payment back but the payoff was worth it: a nicer smelling house (she only showered every 2-3 days) and peace of mind. (Ding Dong! The Witch is Dead.)
10) Five days later she emailed me requesting I hold any mail arriving for her. Wrong Address. Return to Sender. On what planet is bad behavior rewarded with with a favor? She should call up the Dalia Lama and get his take on the matter because I’m no Mother Theresa, and I can live with that.
Conclusion: Taking on someone who you don’t know as a roommate (a potential Crazy hence a Savage Amongst Us) in New York City just isn’t worth the rent saved.
Say What?!