I was on a corporate website job searching when I came upon a position that spoke directly to my background. Great, I thought. Oh wait. The position is in Urbandale Iowa. I live in New York City. The thoughts immediately began to tumble around my head. Could I move to the mid West? My personality does well in many European cities but could I swing it in middle America? I Googled “living in Urbandale” and up pops apartments. A two bedroom townhouse rents for a thousand dollars. Washer and dryer hookup, fitness center on the premises, a pool, central AC, and the list goes on. A far cry from the flooding apartment and riff raff neighbors I currently deal with in my East Harlem neighborhood.
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Desire, we all experience it to varying degrees; a craving for pizza, a taste for something sweet; the desire for affection, attention, acceptance, status, money or to have more than others. Desire is not necessarily a bad thing. Mankind is here today because of it. People have children out of desire. Without it we would not eat when hungry, or we’d go outside pick up a handful of mud and stuff it into our mouths. Without desire we would not inhale after an exhale. Problems arise when I desire a lover, marriage certificate, friend, attention more than I desire the well-being of myself. When I desire the big house and car yet don’t have the means to pay for it. I want long hair but haven’t taken care of the hair I have. I want unadulterated attention, love and affection but have no idea how to give it, because I don’t love myself. [...] I’m not interested in finding a husband, having a couple of whiny kids fighting in the background, waking at the crack of dawn to get the husband and kids out the door for work and school along with myself to then come home cook, clean and deal with the husband and whiny kids again before falling exhausted into bed each night. Then step and repeat day after day until the kids leave the nest, the husband leaves me for a younger woman or I die. Maybe I’m being too hard on the institution of marriage. Perhaps, I’m not seeing its beauty. [...] |
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