Stressed and overwhelmed I once cried over the phone to a girlfriend of mine something to the effect of, “why am I always struggling and fighting to keep things together, I swear I fell like I’m doomed for failure.” My girlfriend, a shining star in my life, didn’t miss a beat; her response stopped my tears short. She told me something very close to this: “Keisha, you take risks in life. You don’t sit by the wayside waiting for things to happen and because you put yourself out there you are bound to find obstacles of all kinds along the way with big wins and big disappointments.” [...]
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More snow than we’ve seen in the past 75 years, headed our way, the news reporters scream over the television. An anxious anticipation spreads throughout the city. Grocery stores are packed with city dwellers preparing for the natural event. I even thought twice about not going to a friends going away party Saturday night for fear of being caught out in the flurry of large white snow flakes sure to bring the city to its knees right before my eyes. But as the party ensued that night, nothing. When the last of the party goers rolled out of the restaurant at three in the morning there was barely a flake in the sky. [...] Ever been around someone that you just didn’t care for? You don’t like ‘em and you don’t dislike ‘em? They could have done something unacceptable towards you or their energy just didn’t sit well with you when you met them. And the truth of the matter is you don’t even care as long as they are not in your personal space bothering you. This ambivalence towards others happens more often than not. It’s why we are not best friends with every sales clerk we have a great conversation with, every stranger who appreciatively thanks us for the directions we just gave them… [...] I am bored with the status quo, conformity and the need for social acceptance or peer approval. I don’t need a luxury car, designer bag, hairdo, key card, t-shirt, tattoo, password, company baseball cap or diamond ring to measure my worth or claim my status within society. I live to the beat of my own drums and have so far enjoyed an amazing journey. A life composed of dignity, self respect and love, I could be a civilization unto myself, self confirmed and comfortable without the desire or need for approval from the John or Jane Doe’s of the world. [...] I once heard that a New Yorker is always in search of one of three things: a mate, a job or an apartment. And if you are of one of the rare breeds that has all three then you’re probably out searching for a better version. Where did I hear this? Who knows, it may have been said in an episode of Sex and The City. One receives so much information in this city it’s hard to retain what you’ve heard from where, when, or whom. [...] It’s been a few years since I’ve been out on the dating scene. So imagine the cold-water-in-your-face wake up call I got when I realized there was a huge difference between seeing someone, casual dating, serious dating, just hanging out, friends with benefits, a loose/casual relationship versus a serious relationship. And then there are the grey areas that don’t fall within any of the categories I just mentioned. And wouldn’t you know it but none of my current “situations” even qualifies for any of the situations above. I don’t know what to do with myself or them. [...] |
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