Ever been around someone that you just didn’t care for? You don’t like ‘em and you don’t dislike ‘em? They could have done something unacceptable towards you or their energy just didn’t sit well with you when you met them. And the truth of the matter is you don’t even care as long as they are not in your personal space bothering you.
This ambivalence towards others happens more often than not. It’s why we are not best friends with every sales clerk we have a great conversation with, every stranger who appreciatively thanks us for the directions we just gave them, the cable representative who just credited you a month of service, the co-worker that stays late on a whim to help you with that project, or the classmate that agrees with you that the professor is an egotistical nincompoop, and the list can go on. The exchange was nice enough, or perhaps it wasn’t. The stranger doesn’t thank you for directions or contests your advice after interrupting your day, the classmate insults your intelligence, or the sales clerk is rude.
In none of the above situations are you expected to be great friends after the exchange. But when it’s coming down to a family member, friend, lover, or colleague there’s an expectation to like everyone within their circle. A real pressure to engage in phony niceties with those you’d rather not, creating a thorn in the relationship with the person who is now offended that you won’t take on their particular likes, dislikes, friends and/or burdens?
We are gown ups. The days of being forced to play with Sally or Jim are over; there is no parent to force you to give your toy to a kid that you’d rather not be bothered with. No one is being physically hurt, or verbally abused (as you rather not engage in conversation), or loses out on their life savings because of your ambivalence.
I pose these questions as a matter of thought process but truly I’ve breathed through too many experiences in my life to be pressured to care for someone I’d rather not. Been there, done that and it’s not worth it – gave me ulcers at the ripe age of twenty-two. So listen up. Been unnecessarily rude, nasty, or catty with me? Your chance is gone for energy wasting niceties. Got weird energy that doesn’t mesh so well with mine? Ditto for you too. I’m not being mean, or saying nasty things, or even thinking negative things. I am just moving along my path of life without the extra baggage.
Say What?!