Judge not thy neighbor. Although I have to say everyone seems addicted to judging and critiquing anyone they can muster a breath about: strangers, co-workers, lovers, friends, family, the president, people in big cities, middle-America, Europeans, Muslims. It’s an epidemic.
You cannot put people in boxes. It’s impossible. We’re constantly changing, evolving, discovering new things about ourselves and hiding portions of ourselves from the outside world. If someone’s behavior does not flow well with me I go my own way. No need to ostracize or put them down, I’ve got better things to do.
Yet, with all this free love I give out I realize I’m still quite judgmental, but of myself. The bar is high but that high standard has come at a steep price.
I’m a closet self-criticizer. I would never put myself down in front of others (oh God no) but when I’m alone or in my head, it’s on. I slept too late. My hair is not right today. I don’t look good in my favorite outfit today. My nose looks bigger today. I’m not writing enough, how will I ever be successful? What if the dinner I’m cooking doesn’t turn out delicious? Am I being a good friend? Maybe I’m not being fair enough, understanding enough, generous enough. I should have gone back to West Africa with my job instead of returning to New York. If I hadn’t come back to New York I probably wouldn’t have working drafts of two completed novels. I can’t even make my mind up about what to be critical about.
So I conducted an experiment. For one week I would not judge myself. If I wanted to lie in bed until noon, fine. If I didn’t write that day it was okay. I would not hate my hair, my face, my body. I accepted that there are some people who are not good friends and I don’t need to feel guilty about not wanting to hang out with them. Do I feel guilty for hiding my money from a pick-pocket? No!
Well, I cut the self-critiquing down a bit but old habits die hard. Just yesterday I frowned at my reflection in the mirror because I felt my face looked fatter than the day before. Yet, the scale had just said I was two pounds lighter.
Every morning I will repeat “today I will not judge me because I love me just as I am.” If I forget to say my mantra, I will forgive myself and say it when I do remember it. Let’s see what happens.
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I believe it was by George Redding, do you know them?
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How did things today make you feel?