It’s been a few years since I dated. So imagine the cold-water-in-your-face wake up call I got when I realized there was a huge difference between seeing someone, casual dating, serious dating, just hanging out, friends with benefits, a loose/casual relationship versus a serious relationship. And then there are the grey areas that don’t fall within any of the categories I just mentioned. And wouldn’t you know it but none of my current “situations” even qualifies for any of the situations above. I don’t know what to do with myself or them.It’s been a few years since I’ve been out on the dating scene. So imagine the cold-water-in-your-face wake up call I got when I realized there was a huge difference between seeing someone, casual dating, serious dating, just hanging out, friends with benefits, a loose/casual relationship versus a serious relationship. And then there are the grey areas that don’t fall within any of the categories I just mentioned. And wouldn’t you know it but none of my current “situations” even qualifies for any of the situations above. I don’t know what to do with myself or them.
Why have I been out of the dating game so long? For a while I was out seeing the world and when I got back home (I clicked my heels and was back in Kansas Toto!), since then I’ve been working, yup the independent woman married to her job. When I search my mental photo catalogue of all I’ve done in the past two years the only thing I see is the office I sat in day in and day out, morning noon and night. And now that I’ve been liberated by the woe of the unemployed, I’m tempted to go out immediately and meet a few potentials in hopes of snagging someone to fit within some sort of defined category. I’m really not about boxing people into categories mind you, but some sort of definition is nice so that one can comfortably manage life without buckets of confusion.
I need a decent plan of action but with my luck I would gather another group of strapping young potentials into my circle and end up with duds. I’ve had a few try to fit snugly into my life without warrant but they were either the asshole, the shady fella, the in-the-closet and too afraid to come out so he’s hanging out with me and wasting my time, the married guy who wants to live the life of a single man or the I love an independent woman but has little ambition other than sitting in your living room watching the game while you make him a sandwich and by the way, can you buy him those new Diesel sneakers. And becoming a lesbian is pretty out there for me because women are even more complicated, dramatic and wishy-washy. I mean truly, how does anyone put up with the female hot cold thing? There should be an OTC version of Advil to deal with that horrible atrocity of a mood swing. Thankfully, I personally do not suffer from that particular affliction but being on the receiver’s end of that mess is pure torture. Just dump my ass, shiznit I can do without getting any love or affection being single!
Optimist by nature it’s hard not to feel doomed in this area of my life like many other single gals throughout the world (this is a global epidemic for woman, not just NYC, I have friends throughout Europe, Africa and the US, single and frustrated with the options facing them). I was told by one self-proclaimed wise-ass male New Yorker that what we women need to do is find a man/woman that is tired of running. Yup, when his/her knees give out and their ass is out of breath, then we ladies know we have found the one. His days of dodging the ball are over, he’s tired and ready for you to take care of them and do his laundry. I don’t know if this wise-man thought he was giving me some sort of mystical secret of the ya-ya chauvinistic crystal man ball, but excuse me but if I don’t want some beat down old fool looking at me with a half cocked grin. He’s cashing in and making out with a full blown maid while I ensure he’s got a full belly, a clean house and an ear to talk to and this is after I get home from work? The balance in the situation is lacking to say the least.
I can sort of understand why so many ladies within our generation are single, refuse to learn to cook, suck at cleaning and seeking out alternative relationships. Only one thing gets me though – a woman who cannot cook or clean up after herself. Now you may, say Oh Keisha, what are you talking about? But we have all met them, know them, dated them, roommated with them. We have the ability to bring children into this world and if in the animal kingdom the female feeds its young and keeps the their young clean and the nest tidy, then I find it difficult that the human woman would refuse that natural instinct and say it’s a right to individuality. Who cannot prepare food to feed themselves? Call me old school but with so many bacteria, parasites and viruses going around, eating out everyday is a bit unsanitary and packaged foods are out to kill us all. So if you want to live a full life past fifty years old, break out the whole foods and learn to take care of yourself ladies, I’m just saying. In the case of this blog though, I am preaching to the choir.
So all in all, after all of this ranting and raving, I’ve decided I’m fine single and if I come across someone worthy of my time and effort then I’ll give em a chance. In the meantime, I will cook fantastic wholesome meals for myself and practice my yoga in hopes to finding my center in the midst of all this crazy mess.
I’m 53 and past 2 mistaken relationships and still thinking “I’ll get it right the third time”.
well the first problem is that we live in a society that celebrates and accepts malfuction. what I mean is that it is now okay for: boyfriend and girlfriend to have a baby and not get married,to live together, to only look for physical realtionships and want nothing more out the deal. Now I am not trying to push the idea of marriage down people’s throat, but if releationships were more mental than physical then all those grey areas will dissolve
To the man who wants Keisha to buy him new Diesel sneakers,
I think ya better call Tyrone
And Tell him come on, Help you get your S***
Great post – so true..)),
I want to start blogging too, what do you think, which blog cms is good for noob?