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I’m pissed off and feeling desperate all at the same time. It’s a horrible feeling. In the past four months I’ve been kicked off of unemployment twice because I ran out time to collect my allocated benefits. If they’ll only release one check a week how the hell do I run out of time to collect them? I’m ready to go kick someone’s ass down at somebody’s state office somewhere here in the city. Oh, wait. Damn! I have no money on my metro card. Well, when I get my next check I’ll be down there!
In the meantime I’ve been looking for cash only gigs to help me illegally supplement my unemployment benefits while I look for a job and finish draft two of my novel. After an in-depth perusal on craigslist I realize that my business degree and corporate experience, global or not, has really left me at a [...]
Remember the days of imaginary friends? In my early years I freely talked to myself and at times freaked my mother out to think there was someone else in our house, only to find me in deep conversation with no one but me. An only child until five years old it was a great way to keep myself company.
Fast forward a couple of decades and talking to an imaginary person out loud is not so cute. Sure we mumble things aloud at times as our mind races continuously without pause, but the full blown imaginary friend conversation days are over. So, if that’s the case and imaginary conversations are no longer acceptable in adult society why are there so many people accusing each other of imaginary [...]
You’re standing on the edge of a cliff. The sun is quickly setting off in the horizon and night will be upon you before you know it. If you don’t jump now you won’t have the benefit of daylight and instead you’ll be jumping off into a black abyss. It’s now or never.
You’ve made this jump before, countless times. Yet, each time you stand there as anxiety and fear grips at your chest and clogs your throat. Your stomach churns into a knot and you’re frozen with fright as self-sabotaging thoughts race through your mind. What if you don’t jump far enough only to land on top the jagged rocks below? What if you jump too far and miss the soft waters of the lake all [...]
Living in New York City can be hectic. Cars, people, kids, horns, the never-ending stream of construction projects, ice-cream trucks, fireman, police cars, delivery guys, irritable New Yorkers, the metro, the list can go on for days (feel free to insert your own list here). The busy chaos only increases with the lure of warm weather and sunshine.
So when a friend suggested I embark on a six-day silent meditation retreat with her I immediately said yes and then worried about the reality of the ordeal later. The main question on my mind was, “what will I do all day?” It’s not just a silent retreat but a meditation retreat. Will I sit crossed-legged like the Buddha meditating ALL [...]
I’m not interested in finding a husband, having a couple of whiny kids fighting in the background, waking at the crack of dawn to get the husband and kids out the door for work and school along with myself to then come home cook, clean and deal with the husband and whiny kids again before falling exhausted into bed each night. Then step and repeat day after day until the kids leave the nest, the husband leaves me for a younger woman or I die. Maybe I’m being too hard on the institution of marriage. Perhaps, I’m not seeing its [...]
I woke up today with a pounding headache. My body aches and I feel as if I might be coming down with a fever. At first I figured it must be super early in the morning, like seven o’clock, for me to be feeling this way. When I looked at my mobile phone’s digital clock (the only clock I own) the actual time was twelve thirty in the afternoon. Frick! I’ll never make it to my writing group on time. It starts at two o’clock and it takes me an hour to get anywhere on the east side of Manhattan below the 80′s, although I live on the east side myself. Go [...]
June actually brought warm weather this year and this summer I have it all. No stressful office politics to contend with or feelings of suicide over my current workload. Instead I have air conditionings during the hot days, views of Central Park, late mornings of sleeping in and free time to do as I please. Just yesterday I spent an hour mapping out things to do this summer in the city for free, oh lucky moi.
Shakespeare in the Park, Museum Mile festival, Summer Stage, free readings, the Harlem Book Fair, the African Arts Festival, Pride, museums and cheap eats with all those restaurant.com gift certificates I cash in with unused frequent flier miles that I’ll never use with United. The list is [...]
During a recent discussion with a friend of mine we both realized we’re more alike than previously thought. See, she’s always in a relationship. I’m not. I always thought I had a fear of commitment but have recently come to terms that that’s not my problem. I commit to lots of things. I have long-time friends. I pay my rent. I easily see projects through to the end. In reality I’m a pretty committed person.
Turns out we both she and I have a fear of intimacy. Yet, according to societies standards we girls supposedly have been dreaming of marriage and children since we were three. At three, I was deciding what I wanted to be when I grew up and had decided I wanted to be a doctor, a lawyer, a ballet dancer, an ice skater and the president. The problem I faced at the time was how I would do them all. Never did I see a future husband. I never dreamed of a big wedding and I never dreamt of having [...]
Judge not thy neighbor. Although I have to say everyone seems addicted to judging and critiquing anyone they can muster a breath about: strangers, co-workers, lovers, friends, family, the president, people in big cities, middle-America, Europeans, Muslims. It’s an epidemic.
You cannot put people in boxes. It’s impossible. We’re constantly changing, evolving, discovering new things about ourselves and hiding portions of ourselves from the outside world. If someone’s behavior does not flow well with me I go my own way. No need to ostracize or put them down, I’ve got better things to [...]
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